The Chick In The Mirror

It's post Christmas week and I am feeling it. I go from not drinking most of the year to a few glasses of wine a day for about 3 days. Trying to avoid sweets goes to seeking them out like a bloodhound,enough butter to cover the rest of the year and hot chocolate that could rival Willy Wonkas fountain! So is it any wonder in all this debauchery I would wind up feeling a bit like a swollen tick?

We all know too well about resolutions made and unkept, but this year I have no choice but to be resolute in my resolutions and lose weight. No, I didn't say get thin or shape up, I must medically for the sake of my life and family, lose weight!

Do you ever look at your reflection and not recognize who you see? Just who is the chick in the mirror and what did she do with the face of my youth to make this distorted face with the extra chins and age spots?

I was the one who vowed to myself growing up I would NEVER look like some of these middle age Mamas who let themselves go and did not dress fashionably. Yet that is exactly where I feel I am today. [Ok Lord I think I have learned my lesson] I get it,don't judge. First of all being fashionable can be difficult without loads of money to spend in the exclusive plus size shops and second of all I have been fighting at every turn gaining weight and have steadily gained for the past 18 years.

You name it, I have tried it, usually with minimal success or if it has promise, it is not a way in which you can live forever. Every doctor's appointment I go to,and believe me that is quite a few ,I ask their opinion ,usually to get vague answers or something I have already tried. If will power was all that was needed ,I would be quite thin at this point. I have even tried prescibed diet pills that worked for a few months along with a strict diet only to find my health on the worse end and myself $800 out.

So here I was at my last appointment with a new doctor asking the same question What do you think is the best way to get this weight off? He actually heard me. "Well first we start with blood tests to make sure everything is working properly and then if all is well we will start with a low carb low fat diet and if after a year you have tried diligently and added exercise and not lost a reasonable amount, we will talk" ...and then came the name in which we do not speak.... Gastric Bypass! "Some people simply can not take off the weight" was his reply. Well amen to that brother!However knowing what I know about GB, this was really not a comfort for two reasons.The first is plain and simple, you could die in surgery and have terrible side effects later and the second that I will absolutely do it anyway if it is deemed necessary.

Anyone with weight issues knows what it does to your self esteem and how you choose to tackle life issues whether it be 20lbs or 125lbs. You can pep yourself up sometimes and put on a brave face but the issue is something you can never escape from for one solitary second it is literally always with you.

So here I find myself again enjoying "Last" holiday meals and goodies and not counting calories knowing that the elliptical machine is calling my name and we are at the last time out that could make or break the game.