Do Over

Remember when you were a kid and you played games with a friend?, If you didn't get the results you wanted, you asked for a Do Over. The conversation went something to the effect "Hey, no fair, your legs are longer than mine..."Do Over" or "No fair I wasn't ready...Do Over." After awhile that person probably proclaimed "No Do Over’s!"

I am really glad I serve a forgiving God, who's mercies are new every morning, because after the week I have had...heck, after the past month.. I am not feeling so successful, I am at an 11.5 loss mark, so I am taking a week to regroup and analyze to see if there is something I could do eating wise to speed up results. I tried on pants this week and I really just don't want to talk about it... when you are considered a petite plus size(those words just don't seem to belong together)it is not an easy task to find clothes that fit, even in a petite they are long and baggy, but the next size down won't button comfortably around my belly.

I don't want to be like the person in the Bible who looks in the mirror, walks away and forgets their own reflection...not forget why I started this in the first place, my health, quality of life, being more comfortable in my own skin. There comes a point in life where there is no more time for Do Over’s.

Run Away Wagon

If I were an alcoholic I would classify this past week as "falling off the wagon." In fact, falling off and being run over by it would be an even better classification! It started with one small allowance of eating a regular meal from McDonalds which WAS delicious and I got right back on track but the past couple of days I have been doing something I thought I had pretty good control of at this point..."Stress Eating." I have a graduating senior this year and there are many things she has to do to prepare, my youngest is going through her first break up and is preparing for braces, I am taking a course and the scholarship that I am using was in question, my husband is working on his Masters and the biggest kicker is we are in the middle of a house purchase which is doable for us but it also means me preparing my resume as I work on weight loss, attend a class,continue with my writing and blogging,and packing(again) Along with keeping the rental house in pristine condition so others can look at it. Although mentally I know to take one thing at a time and spiritually I know not to be anxious, it all just seemed to hit at once. I just didn't want to be good, I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat. Trust me, between the heartburn and stomach problems it wasn't worth it. I will say... that I have gotten used to eating a certain way and for the most part the food didn't even taste that good, so I think I will try to remember this in the future. Please know that I am not using this thing called "Life” as an excuse, just recognizing an issue that I need to work on. As of this morning I have maintained my loss, so for that I am thankful. I am amazed even as I sit here with a full stomach and heartburn just talking about all that is going on makes me want to go to the kitchen and see what I have to munch on. Good thing I am blogging right now and calling myself to some accountability.

If you want to watch a really inspirational show about weight loss "Ruby" on Style is awesome, she started out at over 700lbs and is openly facing the many challenges that come with it.

I've got a wagon to catch!

Drawing Lines

Did you ever feel pretty good about he way you looked, or an item of clothing you had on, only to glimpse in the mirror or see a photo later and grimace? I was sitting at the computer...I know, surprise, surprise, and I had a new comfy gray boyfriend t-shirt on so I felt pretty good and as my reflection stared back at me off the computer screen, I was prepared to see some chub but what I saw was LOTS of it, just hanging forward like Buddha and dripping over the sides. What could I do but let out a sigh and remind myself this is a process and I could have the most expensive designer clothes on and a pair of Spanx ,sit up a little bit straighter and then I would look and feel better(except for my gut being squeezed in)but it would still be there. I still own it and I must persevere if I want results and it may be a whole year until I am sitting without a spare tire in my reflection but to give up is not and option. I realized something a little scary... I am 42 years old and in 30 years I will be 72 that sounds like a long time to people that are already in their 60's or like a (who the heck cares?) if you are 25 but judging how I feel as of late, I just blinked and my children are grown... it makes a person wake up a little.So I guess my point is we have no time to waste in this life and what is a year in the grand scheme of things, if it means a more healthy 30-50 years of my life?

I am aware this is a spiritual journey for me too and I am learning some life lessons, there are a lot of scripture about endurance not about instant, perfect success!

I have talked about this before but do you know what's hard about a weight problem? You can't hide it ,it is out there for everyone to see, everyone who has went before you and lost weight, everyone that has never had a problem with it and thinks they know what you need to do. Please be kind to those around you that are struggling and their family. I am always amazed how many people expect my family members that are thin to give up what they like to eat. It is nice to get support and I really don't want a Big Mac pushed under my nose but this is not THIER problem I will always be around something I can't eat and I will have to learn ways to deal with it but I don't think my 90lb (soak and wet) daughter should have to eat salad and oatmeal everyday ,she has problems keeping weight on…so I get happy when I see her eat a burger and fries occasionally or ice cream straight out of the carton! My other daughter struggles as well and like me she will have to learn where to draw a line and I will offer her support by having more healthy foods around and encouragement.

I will admit though, last night at church my husband handed me a bag with 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies and told me to pay for them, I handed him the check book told him to pay... handed the bag back to the dear sweet man in the car and said "thanks a lot!" Where upon I was informed I didn't HAVE to eat the delicious once a year treat, that he had bought them for HIMSELF! He took one look at me and asked "This will be in your blog now, won’t it?" Sometimes drawing a line can be fun!

Glitch

If you have tried to comment in the past,feel free to give it another shot. I have been trying to work out a glitch with the blog because several people told me they have made comments that didn't make it through...that way I will know if it worked. Thanks.

Back On Track

As I prepared to weigh in this morning my imagination got the best of me as I thought of my scale quivering in the corner and asking for a blindfold and cigarette, fearing that I may smash it with a sledge hammer if it did not give me the numbers I wanted and then breathing a sigh of relief as I discovered I was back down the extra lbs I picked up last week.

This week has not been a perfect week for me diet wise but rather than stay off course , I chose to get back on and move forward.

Hats off to a new reader and friend who struggled for almost a month after following Weight Watchers and exercising diligently... she had no loss and now it's kicking in and she has lost 6 lbs!We have similar goals and when they seem so big and you don't see results right away, it's hard to hang in there but I know it's going to pay off in the end.

Really feeling like it's time take the exercise up a notch this week and be even more diligent in what I am eating nutrition wise ...I feel a second wind coming on...

Hibernation

We are officially in the middle of a second snow storm of this winter in the state in which I live. I have resided in the South a big majority of my life so this is... different. My poor husband has shoveled so much snow, he is literally dreaming of never ending snow drifts that keep filling the more he shovels!

Cold is not always easy on you if you have RA,it causes a lot of stiffness and fatigue, so again I find myself frustrated that I can not assist him more. I know his shoulder hurts so I try to baby him with icepacks and hot drinks and by cooking.

You know something that sounds delicious in a winter storm? Chocolate chip cookies! Warm and fresh out of the oven, I feel a bit jealous of all my friends making posts about their baking, knowing that if I indeed baked chocolate chip cookies I would most definitely ...eat them!Temptation occurred yesterday when we managed to get out of the house before more snow hit. I had done well with my eating, we ate out and I had salad, broccoli and broiled flounder but my sweet husband had bought 1 whole pound of fudge in every variety for Valentines for the girls and I. I don't even like fudge anymore, my mom used to make it when I was kid and I would eat half the pan! Anyway I convinced myself I would cut the tiniest sliver off of each one and taste it...in retrospect I should have not tasted at all because my slivers ended up being larger and more than one piece and within ten minutes I had a stomach ache which is probably good because that has kept me out of the box since!

When it is cold, it feels like your body goes in "Bear" mode... let me store up some yummy fat so I can hibernate! Unfortunately my body has already done this for me, so I can not accommodate it's requests.

What Goes Up...

If you saw a square white UfO flying over your house don't be alarmed it was just my scale after I drop kicked it. I have put on 2.5lbs!If this were paper you would see the tracks of my tears.

Actually this is not that uncommon on my battle with the bulge,around six weeks my body goes into rebellion and I begin to question if I should be doing something else. I refuse to back down, I am not giving it in.Full speed ahead!If next year I do have to have some kind of gastric surgery, it will not be because I haven't tried everything else first.More water! More veggies! More fruit! Less fat! Bring it on baby...I am not going down without a fight.

I 'll Take Middle Age For A thousand Alex!

It's Thursday and I have tried to not mention any more illness because sometimes this blog feels like a tribute to the family medical records but I have had the flu this week and at any given time since Sunday I have wanted to ball up in the fetal position and cry (ok so I did once.)I think I am finally coming out on the other side though exhausted and weak. I am going to try my best to get some light exercise tomorrow.


When I write, I secretly imagine the responses of others...I guess it’s no secret now ...anyway, some of them go something like this..."Man she sure is sick a lot." "Do you think she is just using that as an excuse for not exercising?" “Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?"

When you have an immune system working against you which is the case of Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis it seems just when you start to feel normal... (cue the Jaws theme song) it finds a creative way to attack and any stress good or bad only adds to it, so I find being in the military, it take me about a year to recover fully and fight off whatever strains of illness I haven't had previously. That is usually the case of military kids in general, if they have allergies or asthma, they must adjust to the area and any strains they haven't dealt with so vitamins definitely become your friend. I usually know I am feeling pretty good when I get brave enough to take on a job or some other endeavor which means leaving my comfort zone at home. I don't like to commit if I can't follow through. It's also helpful to be at home to help the kids adjust. I really do tire of fielding questions right away from people about working and I try not to respond with sweet answers like "Give me a break... I just moved for the 50th time, sold a house and I am now putting up with moody teenagers on top of bones that feel like somebody beat me in my sleep!" I know they are just trying to make polite conversation but have we hit such modern times that I am required to feel guilty? I grew up with a single Mom who had to work her arse off to make ends meet so I get that some people have no choice and I do understand.

It really comes down to feeling comfortable in your own skin, which is something most of us find difficult. It’s funny, just when your mind starts to feel more comfortable with who you are; your body turns on you a bit, there is hair growing in unwelcome places and falling out of the welcome ones...little wrinkles hold up(or down) the skin around your eyes like curtain ties...freckles are replaced by age spots...your hands look like they belong in a Vaseline Intensive care commercial ...clothes don't hang the way they should and no matter how cool you look, it end up looking like you are trying too hard.

I am hoping I get my birthday wish of a three pound weight loss but right now I'm not feeling it...”Name a time period when weight loss gets even more challenging?” “Uh, what is Middle Age Alex?”

I'm Giving It A Third Of What I've Got Cap'n !

It’s Monday and I have no big scale news, unless you call kicking the scale across the floor big. I own one of those electronic scales and occasionally I find I have to get on it, move it, and get on again, usually the third time’s the charm and whatever number comes up and sticks… is the correct one. Today it said a 1Lb,1.5, then.5 loss then +1,which is when I decided to step away from the scale...I will take comfort in the fact I am feeling slimmer and my clothes feel looser and just call it even until next week.

Ok so it's truth time...eating wise I have been doing pretty good, exercise...not, water...not and getting to bed early definitely... not. My most successful week was when I was doing all those things. Time to shake off the dust, February is a new month and I am thankful for a 10lb loss. I am learning this is about so much more than weight,its hokey sounding but it's a journey. I did accomplish sending a writing piece off to the Erma Bombeck competiton, I finished yesterday and I think I used all 450 words allowed in the word count, I will keep you updated.

Speaking of February...it’s my birthday… it’s my birthday this Sunday so I think for my goal this week, I would like to see a 3lb loss, that would be a nice present. So hopefully next week I can say; I'm giving it all I got Cap’n!