Bus Pass

Uninspired is how I feel as of late and it is probably why I am not blogging. I started this to help myself and found with great joy it was helping others, I want to come to you with overwhelming numbers and tell you how great I am feeling, alas, still on the long journey but haven't yet arrived. Health issues keep knocking and I keep trying to send them packing. On the upside I was so happy to talk to a friend and reader and hear how well she was doing and to see pictures of her improvements. There are some small milestones for me, cholesterol is better, I don't get tired as fast and I have done well on my long days on my new job which I still love, love, love. I just wish my paycheck would love me as much! I see so many cool dogs and cats that come in and happy animals always make me feel better!
Big life changes with my youngest starting high school and my middle one starting college. I have been missing my oldest who lives in another state. Life always seems to be moving at the speed of light and if you are not careful you just might miss your Cosmic Bus or be flattened by it!
So ring the bell faithful friends, I've still got my teeth, my nose is just a little bloody and I am going in for another round!

Loser

Well I did not fall off the planet, just the blog for awhile.Major life changes.All good...all time consuming! I started this weight loss adventure in January and since then I have lost about 17lbs with PLENTY more to go. I have been on at least 3 different plans throughout this time period.For the past 12 weeks my daughter and I have been attending a spiritual based health program called "First Place" it has really been helpful and we have been exercising as a group and supporting each other,our next thirteen week session is coming up.Every so often I will let my self relax and then I have to put myself in check,I am finding this kind of venture really takes faith, patience and the big D...discipline.On this program you make healthy choices,count calories,exercise and particpate in a daily bible study and weekly meetings with the thought being that the main element missing weight loss is incorporating God and scripture. I am feeling better with more energy and enjoying my job,still losing...very slowly but still losing!

Information Overload

It seems like every time you pick up a magazine, go to the bookstore or turn on the TV, someone is talking about the latest greatest way to lose weight. There will be promises of "new" breakthroughs or eating whatever you want, with testimonials by people who swear this is the only program that ever worked for them. Here is just few examples of how they all can contradict on another and confuse us...

Atkins = fruit, bread, sugar, potatos, bad. Fat,protein,good. Fat Smash = Fruit, all you want, yogurt, oatmeal, good! Susan Powter = Eat what you want like a big stack of pancakes with syrup just forgo the butter, very low fat, sugar ok. Gorge Cruise = fruit yogurt, bad, burger fries, good,very low sugar. Carb Addicts diet = eat whatever you like, potatos ,fruit, pasta ,dessert but fit it in only one hour of your day the rest of the day is salad, protein and diet soda. Gwen Shamblin's Weigh Down Workshop = eat whatever you would like only when you are truly hungry, pray through when you are not! Cabbage Soup diet = self explanatory plus a lot of gas! Some say watch only your fat, some say only your calories, others say get all of your food groups in, exercise till you drop, just walk, exercise is not necessary. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day is one most agree on, although I am sure I heard recently that is starting to be disputed! Only organic is also very popular right now. This is just the tip of the iceberg and some of these diets may have changed since I did them. There are thousands more to go ..based on body type, blood type, age ,hormones etc. Is it any wonder I can't decide what exactly to do? I can tell you that all of these have worked to some degree for me, probably because no matter what, you are eliminating something to cause a deficit in calories, some work faster than others but usually those are the one that the weight comes back on pretty fast with a little more tacked on. Oh, I forgot glycemic index foods like brown rice versus white, sweet potatos versus white potatoes and how about vegetarian? Does anyone have a headache yet? I kid you not... a bunch of hair just fell out of my head! Bald AND fat is the look most of us 40 something women pull off so well!

Put One Foot In Front Of The Other...

So it's my day off and I just don't want to step on the scale. It seems like I am seeing the same results...up 3... down 2,down 2... up 1 and I know it's my fault, behaving through the week and then loosening up on the weekend. Looks like I am not going to see an 8 lb weight loss like I planned this week.(Shocker right?)

I have a cool job and I am really enjoying it so far, it is as a Receptionist for a Pet kennel in an arty community near the water and I am a big animal lover along with being a people person so I am really blessed. I have talked about my health issues throughout this blog but some things I kept to myself because they are pretty personal and in fact are part of what make me change and try to refine my diet often. Two disorders that I have problems with effect my bladder and bowel function and what I eat and drink can make the symptoms worse or better, so a lot of times what is suggested as good for weight loss, is not actually good for these conditions. Take coffee for instance a low calorie treat that is actually good for you in many ways but the acidic content can cause problems at times, as well as citrus, yogurt, artificial sweeteners and chocolate, the times I eat can effect whether I am going to have tummy problems and of course drinking much of anything can cause a lot of issues for the bladder. Stress, nerves,(getting nervous about getting nervous) new things, good or bad, can wreak havoc on my immune system. As you can imagine, starting a new job even a fun one, has presented some challenges with this. My very first day I had such bad stomach problems due to nerves, I was in fact late... I chose to just be honest I basically just called and said I was so excited about the job, I got a little sick to my stomach and I was on the way. What else could I do? Luckily, my boss is really mellow and seemed ok with it, though a hundred different imaginary conversation scenarios between her and the co owner ran through my head about the new girl they had hired but I just dismissed them to my over active imagination. This is me ...this is who I am, it’s not who I want to be, it’s pretty embarrassing and a big pain but there must be a reason. Once again this calls for a diet change, one that I know to some is not considered that healthy but unless you have walked in my shoes... So this is what I have to do... lots of a pro biotic supplement, a small probiotic yogurt, peppermint tea,water,a few nuts throughout the day and a low calorie protein shake and banana equaling about 470 calories and then pretty much a normal sized dinner and dessert and coffee. My calorie limit to lose is supposed to be around 1900 so I am going to try to keep in mind calorie counts for dinner and not go under 1200 or over 1900.Do I get hungry and fuzzy throughout the day? Yes! But do I want to spend my work day camped out in the bathroom? NO! Sorry if this is TMI but quite frankly it is just another element of life for me and many others and learning how to deal. Soooo, my stomach has been on good behavior and I just can't imagine with the cut back in calories NOT losing, now as I adjust to working, I will add exercise and my goal is just 15 minutes a day of some sort of concentrated movement, doesn’t sound like much but it's more than I am doing at the present time!

This has become rather long, drawn out and definitely not amusing, so I am going to bid adieu. I have already picked my next topic and it's going to be about the information we are overloaded with concerning dieting and how they all seem to conflict and drive us crazy! Until then I am going to just keep trying, you never know when a victory could be right around the corner as I heard a recent speaker say(Joel Olsteen) and if you don't put one foot in front of the other. You won't arrive!

Victories

So I am four months into this process and I am going to take a victory wherever I can find one. I would have hoped for more of a loss by now but I can say I am learning what works for me and saying no to foods that used to be my friend has not been so hard. I walked a mile with my dogs yesterday and didn't even realize it...Victory one! Pizza dinner at my church ...took my iced coffee and was fine without a slice, although I had to look at a beautiful piece of cake for an hour as the meeting progressed, it was set right in front of me and the only reason I did not move it is I thought the person next to me was going to eat it, the important thing is... I didn't...Victory 2! Going to the Doctors weighing in and actually seeing a loss on THEIR scale...Victory 3! I also was blessed enough to snag a job which I start tomorrow, I am sure that will offer new challenges, so I am putting myself on alert and taking healthy snacks. Technically with "The Fat Smash Diet" you are only supposed to weigh in after the first 9 days and then you are supposed to lose up to 9 lbs but I was back down those yo yo 3 lbs that keep coming back when I last checked. I did keep a few foods from the last plan that really helped me to feel less deprived…iced coffee and a little bit of dark chocolate but I haven’t had any meat in a week and I am a little tired of lentils and beans but I’ll live.

I am breaking down the weight loss into smaller goals. There is a big function 13 days from now at my husbands work, so my goal is to lose 8lbs by then. For me, that is a pretty big goal considering it has taken me 4 months to lose 15. I have been watching "Ruby" on style network and she inspired me by losing 13lbs on an Aussie vacation. It has been suggested to me before that I should take things a little bit at a time so I don't get overwhelmed with such a big task.

My new job is a receptionist position so it requires me to be the "face" of the company and look and feel good so maybe that will help keep me in line as I pull away from stay home "Mom" mode and add to my wardrobe. Hope you can find some "Victories" in your life this week.

Never Be Afraid To Try Something New

New eating plan Number 3 began as my oldest daughter wanted to do"The Fat Smash" plan, totally different from the last one which included lots of meat, healthy breads and dark chocolate. This one is all the fruit and veggies you need, low fat, no meat or bread and very low fat among other things in the induction period of 9 days. My daughter broke her foot and is in a cast, she has had a considerable difficult time getting around and is not messing around anymore she wants to lose,so I am willing to do whatever plan she is comfortable with. I did learn that artificial sweeteners of any kind really cause digestive problems for me after cutting them out this last plan so its only Stevia based sweeteners or a little occasional sugar I am using.

Did I behave during Spring Break ? No.Was it worth it? No,I am back up a couple of lbs. Trying on clothes is always a wake up call for me and I know if I get a job I need a new wardrobe. Just coming down a couple of sizes would make a big difference.

So to recap a rather boring update… I am in this since January 4th, I have lost a total of 12 lbs as of today and I am trying plan 3. I feel better, people say they can tell I have lost, now my daughter has thrown her hat in the ring and I am not giving up!

Spring

Spring has sprung and unless something momentous our terribly irritating happens I am on spring break; not from my diet, just from blogging. I am back down 2.5 lbs and seriously considering purchasing a new scale because I truly think mine is rebelling from all the times it has held my overweight body! Stay strong, be blessed and Happy Spring!

Stress And Scones

Ever blink and a week had past? I weighed in Wednesday and was so aggravated, I couldn't even blog about it! Up 3 lbs! Seriously? Trying to remain calm and not turn aggravation into a binge...although after that, I made friends with a blueberry scone. The scone did not disappoint like my friend the scale but that kind of thinking is what helped get me here in the first place.

It HAS been a stressful week and I noticed that tends to make me go up or at the very least stay the same on the scale. First we had a tire blow while our daughter was driving alone, then that same daughter broke her foot while practicing for the Spring Musical, My dog got so ill he could hardly walk and I thought I was going to lose him, my other daughter's on again/off again boyfriend went into mean mode with her at school and she was pretty traumatized, then I got called in for an interview with a company I thought I was a little under qualified for (Shhh! Don't tell them I said that.) My understanding is stress causes cortisol levels to go up and that makes it harder to lose. What's weird about that is it seems like when you are young and stressed ...you tend to lose weight!

Spring break is here and my house is a wreck, so now I have to dig deep and get things back in order. Hmmm a blueberry scone sure sounds good right about now...

Rain

It is Monday and I slept in...I needed it, I stayed up to the wee hours of the morning searching sites that were hiring and sending out my résumé. I also had the joy of watching a horror movie on tv about people who wander into a town of wax to find that they will be the next on display! I am one of those people that has to see the end of a movie no matter how scary or stupid it is!

I forgot how demeaning it can feel to take all that time answering questions and sending out your resume to never even get a response and how patient you have to be when starting out. I am caught between a feeling of being blessed enough to not have an urgency at this time in finding employment to knowing that big house payments are around the corner and it would probably take some pressure off to have extra income coming in. It’s just like reading a writer so good, any prior pride you had in your work goes out the window. When I entered a humorist writing contest in February,
I just believed I was going to be discovered as the next "Erma Bombeck" turns out I am not the only one who thought this, I did not place and that's ok. A little disappointing ,but still ok

I have to remind myself that my value is not wrapped up in my resume or whether I have success writing or even the weight loss I am trying to achieve. I serve a God that was willing to sacrifice His only son for me. I am of value to my Creator. He is the one with a distinct purpose for me and His ways are not my ways . It could mean that I end up flipping burgers and laying down fries at the age of 42 but what ever I do I know I am supposed to do as unto the Glory of God.

There is something so wonderful about a storm and rain beating down on the roof. Just the sound of it can be calming, when I was a kid I would take my dog outside and the rain would come down on us and feel so refreshing and smell so good. No matter what was going on in my life it would help just to "be." Weigh in is Wednesday, we have been feeling pretty good with our food choices. I am learning to identify times when I am at risk such as.....I am very tired or just tired of cooking or when my daughters have friends over and we order pizza, ANY time during the beginning of the weekend seems to trigger something in all of us.

I really feel like going out in the rain today and washing away some of this excess baggage... Care to join me?

Numbers

I have been waiting for inspiration to strike, I really haven't been feeling to witty or comical. As I stated last blog, I have been having a bit of a RA flare, so much so I can’t seem to get going until around one in the afternoon due to fatigue and stiffness. It can be really frustrating to want to have the energy to do things and yet making a phone call or getting a shower seems like work. Probably time to make a visit to my friendly Rheumatologist and get labs done but the thought of another Doctor's appointment is also exhausting. There are so many things that can get pushed to the side like school work, tweaking my resume and preparing for our move this summer. One good thing is I am usually doing better by the time everyone is home and able to keep the house straight and cook dinner. There is something called Raynauds phenomenon that can accompany Rheumatoid Arthritis, it causes very cold fingers and feet that can turn white...cold feet can make it hard to fall asleep so I am feeling very sexy in my double socks!

On a happy note, I am down another 2lbs for a total of 15.5lbs and we are still on the Jorge Cruise plan and even though we are not losing as quickly as claimed, it still is working and our digestive systems feel so much better when we stick to the plan. It also makes for much easier planning of meals. My youngest daughter(Slim)commented this evening on how she actually LIKED my cooking! It seems I would really feel a difference, maybe because it is small amounts over time, I can't notice it as much but my new jeans are really baggy and my face does seem a bit smaller, my girls say they can tell I have lost. One thing I reminded myself of today is even though this plan does not call for exercising to lose weight, it is still essential to at least walk to keep a healthy heart and lower blood pressure. Honestly, I would hate to step on any scale other than mine though, if it was a negative outcome, I would get discouraged. I was thinking how much we rely on numbers to make us happy...numbers on the scale, numbers in our bank account, test scores, lab results, I am glad I serve a God that is bigger than any number!

Don't Want To Be A Debbie Downer

Disappointment visited briefly at my house this week and it was in the form of a 1.5 lb loss for me and 1 lb for my husband and daughter...in all fairness we do feel pretty good and there has been no belly bloat this week but the promise was 4 - 9 lbs and we were a little hungry sometimes. My husband also mentioned that cravings for certain food just weren't there and that is true as well, we were just hoping for bigger results on the scale. We are going to go for it another week and see what happens. Any loss is better than none and I hate when people whine about not losing what they wanted but I guess it is just the fact that this plan was endorsed to lose at least 4 if not more and there is also the feeling of we MUST be losing. You know how the contestants from Biggest Loser step on the scale an get upset at a 6 lb loss...that always drives me crazy and I start yelling at my TV (yes I am one of THOSE people) Anyway I am always like "What is wrong with you? Be happy!" I get it now ,they have trainers shouting at them all week and they live and breathe weight loss so they want the results promised to them. I have a total weight loss of 13.5 and I choose to be happy with that!

The weather for Spring is here and that has allowed more time to walk at the park and get some fun exercise. RA has decided to rear its ugly head these last 2 weeks in the form of extreme fatigue and even while I type I have to rest my elbow on my leg because it is painful to hold up. One thing about Rheumatoid Arthritis or anything chronic for that matter, is that it's always with you, and no one wants to tell friends or loved ones "Sorry, I don't feel well...again." I am most certain my children and my husband try to be kind about it but after awhile it gets old. You must take care of you in these situations ,only you know how your body feels and you have to listen to it and rest or exercise or take medicine etc. Be mindful that there are those out there with conditions that don't always show visible signs on the outside but that doesn't make it any less painful or frustrating for them.

You Don't Say...

It has been an interesting,LONG week... I decided to try a more tailored plan that I found while searching out low carb foods online. Jorge Cruise has a new plan for women over 40 with very, very, limited sugar, veggies, proteins and whole grain carbs ,you are supposed to be able to lose between 4 and 9 lbs a week and weigh in is Wednesday but here is the kicker, my daughter wanted to lose weight for graduation and my husband thought he needed to lose a few, so they decided to follow along and I am not going to lie... it did make things 100 times easier, to plan meals, easier to stay on track. We started last Wednesday and one of the best results we have is physically feeling better, especially any chronic tummy problems we usually deal with. There were days we wanted to cheat and days we were really hungry but for the most part we have stayed on track and our grocery bill has been cheaper due to not eating out. My little Skinny Minnie pretty much ate her usual...whatever she wanted! I think my favorite comments of the week came first from my hubby when he picked up McDonalds for Slim and said he never realized how hard it was to smell french fries and burgers without the option of eating it, especially while hungry. The second comment came from my graduate who did wonderfully ignoring a table of treats (cookies ,brownies, etc.) at an awards ceremony and later proclaimed, "You have no idea how hard that was Mom!" You don't say...Catch you up later this week on our actual losses.

Do Over

Remember when you were a kid and you played games with a friend?, If you didn't get the results you wanted, you asked for a Do Over. The conversation went something to the effect "Hey, no fair, your legs are longer than mine..."Do Over" or "No fair I wasn't ready...Do Over." After awhile that person probably proclaimed "No Do Over’s!"

I am really glad I serve a forgiving God, who's mercies are new every morning, because after the week I have had...heck, after the past month.. I am not feeling so successful, I am at an 11.5 loss mark, so I am taking a week to regroup and analyze to see if there is something I could do eating wise to speed up results. I tried on pants this week and I really just don't want to talk about it... when you are considered a petite plus size(those words just don't seem to belong together)it is not an easy task to find clothes that fit, even in a petite they are long and baggy, but the next size down won't button comfortably around my belly.

I don't want to be like the person in the Bible who looks in the mirror, walks away and forgets their own reflection...not forget why I started this in the first place, my health, quality of life, being more comfortable in my own skin. There comes a point in life where there is no more time for Do Over’s.

Run Away Wagon

If I were an alcoholic I would classify this past week as "falling off the wagon." In fact, falling off and being run over by it would be an even better classification! It started with one small allowance of eating a regular meal from McDonalds which WAS delicious and I got right back on track but the past couple of days I have been doing something I thought I had pretty good control of at this point..."Stress Eating." I have a graduating senior this year and there are many things she has to do to prepare, my youngest is going through her first break up and is preparing for braces, I am taking a course and the scholarship that I am using was in question, my husband is working on his Masters and the biggest kicker is we are in the middle of a house purchase which is doable for us but it also means me preparing my resume as I work on weight loss, attend a class,continue with my writing and blogging,and packing(again) Along with keeping the rental house in pristine condition so others can look at it. Although mentally I know to take one thing at a time and spiritually I know not to be anxious, it all just seemed to hit at once. I just didn't want to be good, I wanted to eat what I wanted to eat. Trust me, between the heartburn and stomach problems it wasn't worth it. I will say... that I have gotten used to eating a certain way and for the most part the food didn't even taste that good, so I think I will try to remember this in the future. Please know that I am not using this thing called "Life” as an excuse, just recognizing an issue that I need to work on. As of this morning I have maintained my loss, so for that I am thankful. I am amazed even as I sit here with a full stomach and heartburn just talking about all that is going on makes me want to go to the kitchen and see what I have to munch on. Good thing I am blogging right now and calling myself to some accountability.

If you want to watch a really inspirational show about weight loss "Ruby" on Style is awesome, she started out at over 700lbs and is openly facing the many challenges that come with it.

I've got a wagon to catch!

Drawing Lines

Did you ever feel pretty good about he way you looked, or an item of clothing you had on, only to glimpse in the mirror or see a photo later and grimace? I was sitting at the computer...I know, surprise, surprise, and I had a new comfy gray boyfriend t-shirt on so I felt pretty good and as my reflection stared back at me off the computer screen, I was prepared to see some chub but what I saw was LOTS of it, just hanging forward like Buddha and dripping over the sides. What could I do but let out a sigh and remind myself this is a process and I could have the most expensive designer clothes on and a pair of Spanx ,sit up a little bit straighter and then I would look and feel better(except for my gut being squeezed in)but it would still be there. I still own it and I must persevere if I want results and it may be a whole year until I am sitting without a spare tire in my reflection but to give up is not and option. I realized something a little scary... I am 42 years old and in 30 years I will be 72 that sounds like a long time to people that are already in their 60's or like a (who the heck cares?) if you are 25 but judging how I feel as of late, I just blinked and my children are grown... it makes a person wake up a little.So I guess my point is we have no time to waste in this life and what is a year in the grand scheme of things, if it means a more healthy 30-50 years of my life?

I am aware this is a spiritual journey for me too and I am learning some life lessons, there are a lot of scripture about endurance not about instant, perfect success!

I have talked about this before but do you know what's hard about a weight problem? You can't hide it ,it is out there for everyone to see, everyone who has went before you and lost weight, everyone that has never had a problem with it and thinks they know what you need to do. Please be kind to those around you that are struggling and their family. I am always amazed how many people expect my family members that are thin to give up what they like to eat. It is nice to get support and I really don't want a Big Mac pushed under my nose but this is not THIER problem I will always be around something I can't eat and I will have to learn ways to deal with it but I don't think my 90lb (soak and wet) daughter should have to eat salad and oatmeal everyday ,she has problems keeping weight on…so I get happy when I see her eat a burger and fries occasionally or ice cream straight out of the carton! My other daughter struggles as well and like me she will have to learn where to draw a line and I will offer her support by having more healthy foods around and encouragement.

I will admit though, last night at church my husband handed me a bag with 2 boxes of Girl Scout cookies and told me to pay for them, I handed him the check book told him to pay... handed the bag back to the dear sweet man in the car and said "thanks a lot!" Where upon I was informed I didn't HAVE to eat the delicious once a year treat, that he had bought them for HIMSELF! He took one look at me and asked "This will be in your blog now, won’t it?" Sometimes drawing a line can be fun!

Glitch

If you have tried to comment in the past,feel free to give it another shot. I have been trying to work out a glitch with the blog because several people told me they have made comments that didn't make it through...that way I will know if it worked. Thanks.

Back On Track

As I prepared to weigh in this morning my imagination got the best of me as I thought of my scale quivering in the corner and asking for a blindfold and cigarette, fearing that I may smash it with a sledge hammer if it did not give me the numbers I wanted and then breathing a sigh of relief as I discovered I was back down the extra lbs I picked up last week.

This week has not been a perfect week for me diet wise but rather than stay off course , I chose to get back on and move forward.

Hats off to a new reader and friend who struggled for almost a month after following Weight Watchers and exercising diligently... she had no loss and now it's kicking in and she has lost 6 lbs!We have similar goals and when they seem so big and you don't see results right away, it's hard to hang in there but I know it's going to pay off in the end.

Really feeling like it's time take the exercise up a notch this week and be even more diligent in what I am eating nutrition wise ...I feel a second wind coming on...

Hibernation

We are officially in the middle of a second snow storm of this winter in the state in which I live. I have resided in the South a big majority of my life so this is... different. My poor husband has shoveled so much snow, he is literally dreaming of never ending snow drifts that keep filling the more he shovels!

Cold is not always easy on you if you have RA,it causes a lot of stiffness and fatigue, so again I find myself frustrated that I can not assist him more. I know his shoulder hurts so I try to baby him with icepacks and hot drinks and by cooking.

You know something that sounds delicious in a winter storm? Chocolate chip cookies! Warm and fresh out of the oven, I feel a bit jealous of all my friends making posts about their baking, knowing that if I indeed baked chocolate chip cookies I would most definitely ...eat them!Temptation occurred yesterday when we managed to get out of the house before more snow hit. I had done well with my eating, we ate out and I had salad, broccoli and broiled flounder but my sweet husband had bought 1 whole pound of fudge in every variety for Valentines for the girls and I. I don't even like fudge anymore, my mom used to make it when I was kid and I would eat half the pan! Anyway I convinced myself I would cut the tiniest sliver off of each one and taste it...in retrospect I should have not tasted at all because my slivers ended up being larger and more than one piece and within ten minutes I had a stomach ache which is probably good because that has kept me out of the box since!

When it is cold, it feels like your body goes in "Bear" mode... let me store up some yummy fat so I can hibernate! Unfortunately my body has already done this for me, so I can not accommodate it's requests.

What Goes Up...

If you saw a square white UfO flying over your house don't be alarmed it was just my scale after I drop kicked it. I have put on 2.5lbs!If this were paper you would see the tracks of my tears.

Actually this is not that uncommon on my battle with the bulge,around six weeks my body goes into rebellion and I begin to question if I should be doing something else. I refuse to back down, I am not giving it in.Full speed ahead!If next year I do have to have some kind of gastric surgery, it will not be because I haven't tried everything else first.More water! More veggies! More fruit! Less fat! Bring it on baby...I am not going down without a fight.

I 'll Take Middle Age For A thousand Alex!

It's Thursday and I have tried to not mention any more illness because sometimes this blog feels like a tribute to the family medical records but I have had the flu this week and at any given time since Sunday I have wanted to ball up in the fetal position and cry (ok so I did once.)I think I am finally coming out on the other side though exhausted and weak. I am going to try my best to get some light exercise tomorrow.


When I write, I secretly imagine the responses of others...I guess it’s no secret now ...anyway, some of them go something like this..."Man she sure is sick a lot." "Do you think she is just using that as an excuse for not exercising?" “Do you want some cheese to go with that whine?"

When you have an immune system working against you which is the case of Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis it seems just when you start to feel normal... (cue the Jaws theme song) it finds a creative way to attack and any stress good or bad only adds to it, so I find being in the military, it take me about a year to recover fully and fight off whatever strains of illness I haven't had previously. That is usually the case of military kids in general, if they have allergies or asthma, they must adjust to the area and any strains they haven't dealt with so vitamins definitely become your friend. I usually know I am feeling pretty good when I get brave enough to take on a job or some other endeavor which means leaving my comfort zone at home. I don't like to commit if I can't follow through. It's also helpful to be at home to help the kids adjust. I really do tire of fielding questions right away from people about working and I try not to respond with sweet answers like "Give me a break... I just moved for the 50th time, sold a house and I am now putting up with moody teenagers on top of bones that feel like somebody beat me in my sleep!" I know they are just trying to make polite conversation but have we hit such modern times that I am required to feel guilty? I grew up with a single Mom who had to work her arse off to make ends meet so I get that some people have no choice and I do understand.

It really comes down to feeling comfortable in your own skin, which is something most of us find difficult. It’s funny, just when your mind starts to feel more comfortable with who you are; your body turns on you a bit, there is hair growing in unwelcome places and falling out of the welcome ones...little wrinkles hold up(or down) the skin around your eyes like curtain ties...freckles are replaced by age spots...your hands look like they belong in a Vaseline Intensive care commercial ...clothes don't hang the way they should and no matter how cool you look, it end up looking like you are trying too hard.

I am hoping I get my birthday wish of a three pound weight loss but right now I'm not feeling it...”Name a time period when weight loss gets even more challenging?” “Uh, what is Middle Age Alex?”

I'm Giving It A Third Of What I've Got Cap'n !

It’s Monday and I have no big scale news, unless you call kicking the scale across the floor big. I own one of those electronic scales and occasionally I find I have to get on it, move it, and get on again, usually the third time’s the charm and whatever number comes up and sticks… is the correct one. Today it said a 1Lb,1.5, then.5 loss then +1,which is when I decided to step away from the scale...I will take comfort in the fact I am feeling slimmer and my clothes feel looser and just call it even until next week.

Ok so it's truth time...eating wise I have been doing pretty good, exercise...not, water...not and getting to bed early definitely... not. My most successful week was when I was doing all those things. Time to shake off the dust, February is a new month and I am thankful for a 10lb loss. I am learning this is about so much more than weight,its hokey sounding but it's a journey. I did accomplish sending a writing piece off to the Erma Bombeck competiton, I finished yesterday and I think I used all 450 words allowed in the word count, I will keep you updated.

Speaking of February...it’s my birthday… it’s my birthday this Sunday so I think for my goal this week, I would like to see a 3lb loss, that would be a nice present. So hopefully next week I can say; I'm giving it all I got Cap’n!

Faith Leaping

Now that I am exploring the writer in me, I am reading and watching things pertaining to this endeavor. Finding that many very famous writers are "angst" ridden is not very appealing. In light of J.D. Salinger's death and studying about him a bit and watching a movie on the poet Lord Byron . Hello? Can anyone say Edgar Allen Poe; I am finding notoriety may not always be a good thing. Then again, you want to be noticed as a writer, being noticed means being read and being read may lead to being published which may it turn lead to an income which would mean more writing! We Humans love a good drama soaked life don't we, the kind filled with torrid affairs and reclusive behavior to which we say "Ah she was just a tortured artist, too good for this world." That is not my intent here. I had my share of difficulties and injustices early on in life like many others I know and I may chose to expose those to be cathartic and to help others. I am thinking I am more a humorist, an Erma Bombeck type which brings me to this...a leap of faith. I was looking up information pertaining to Erma and the first site I found was looking for submissions, there is a writing contest for humorist type writers; the participant gets a little exposure, 100 bucks and free entrance into one of the weekend workshops. Coincidence? I think not. The thought came to mind I would use something from this blog but it has to be new, I will admit I went blank…writers block for about 10 minutes and then the floodgates opened. I don't know which was scarier but I think I choose blank. There is not much time, it closes on Sunday night. A deadline, you've got to love that. My heart is actually pounding a bit faster at the thought. That's good right?

Tune in Monday for an update on my health quest. As of this morning I am down another pound, I just had to get on the scale because I have been so (put your own version of a strong word for emphasis here!!) HUNGRY, sensitive and grouchy. Planning to drink more water and do some major grocery shopping…on a good note, my jeans are falling down!

You Don't Want To Know What I Would Do For A Klondike Bar!

I would like to tell you that Funky Monday turned into Terrific Tuesday but as you know I hate lies but I am finding a little melancholy makes for a lot of inspiration. When you are in a pit sometimes you must find something to pull yourself out, you may end up doing some soul searching in the process, soul searching I find, makes for good writing if you go deep enough but that's for another time, not for this blog, maybe you will see it on a bookstore shelf someday.

Something else happens when you feel a little funk, your guard can go down, in this case it's been my food guard but so far I am still fighting the good fight. My girls did not make it any easier by wanting McDonalds for dinner, when you are fighting the fight and HUNGRY a Big Mac and french fries does sound (and smell) really, really good, did I say really? One of the things I can do is remind myself of the benefits later, such as slipping that beautiful engagement ring back on my chubby little finger, new clothes, oh and of course avoiding a heart attack!

Funky Monday

Did you ever have one of those days where you know you shouldn't be in a bad mood but you are just the same, no real good reason? You are aware of just how good you have it but it seems like a little black cloud has chose you to follow around? It is Monday and that is where I am at. I sort of feel like Eeyore on his blustery day. I will admit, I am in some pain today and that can tend to pull a person down but if you allow that often when you have a chronic condition you may as well pull the covers over your head and stay there. I always remind myself of some amazing people I have met in my life, like one of the patients I worked with when I was a Chiropractic assistant. This patient had arthritis since she was a child, now an elderly adult with crippling effects, walking, signing her name or even taking off her sweater was a chore, yet she smiled and loved her way through it all. No amount of self talk about how ridiculous this"funkines" is and how blessed I am seems to be helping, hence I have decided to just go with it... maybe if I select a more appealing word they used years ago "melancholy" it will seem more appropriate. Although... I am down 2.5 more pounds! That makes a total of 10lbs since Jan 4th, so I do believe this will help me find my stride again by tomorrow.

It is with some anxiety I post this, because anyone who has ever lost weight can tell you it can come to a sudden stop or plateau or you could gain it back and this success just seems too good to be true but I will journey on because it IS working.

The goal for this week as I shake off this mood is to exercise consistently and add more fruit. I will not lie, a piece of chocolate cake sounds really good or big stack of pancakes but it will pass...it will pass like Funky Monday.

Very Funny, Newton!

It's been one of those weeks, I’m sure you have had them before. I had one hour, one glorious hour planned for lunch and computer time before time to pick up my daughter from school, that's when Newton decided he would send some fun my way. Just as I was going to sit down with my meal and hot tea,(from Starbucks of course) my liquid gold spilled all across the table (cue the dollar signs and the cha ching of the cash register.) while I was cleaning it up the phone rang, Could I pick up my daughter? she was ill. then the dog started scratching on the door ,I needed to take her out, on my way , I noticed the cat had yakked on the floor which leads me to now... I am sitting in a house in dire need of cleaning, with schoolwork to be done (I attend school online.)

Life has a way of being pretty amusing, if you don't look at it that way you might just go a little crazy. My dog is at the door again, my
husband is home early and my daughter just told me this blog is rather boring....isn't that just hilarious?(I ask with a slight twitch in one eye and a semi hysterical laugh.)

Give It

Just like we learned in Sunday school, I believe the giving principle works in weight loss. Remember what they taught us in gym class, you have to expand energy to get more? It turns out the dude with the fancy whistle and very little patience for the athletic impaired was right. I am finding I have a bit more energy now, a little pep in my step. It makes me wonder since I was diagnosed pre diabetic, maybe the extra sugars and carbs were making me tired as well. So back to my Sunday School theory, sometimes giving of ourselves results in more of a blessing then we expect, for example; teaching a class and watching that child grow in faith, or helping a young couple in their marriage may make you grateful for the blessings in your own relationship.

Losing weight takes sacrifice and discipline.Yesterday I was craving carbs and chocolate and believe me, temptation is always there,the local Starbucks put out chocolate chip cake samples right where you order,the audacity!My husband took me out to lunch at a local barbecue place and they were ever so excited to share their sugar laden sauces by bringing fresh fried potatos to the table to dip with(I passed) or what about the unknown corn bread they bring with the salad or when the church suggests bringing in donuts on Sunday mornings? I have found so far it is worth it to be strong,because the strength you are getting in return by regaining your health feels better.Exercise is the same,you may have to give up some(me) time to jump around but what you are really doing is adding more (me} time by adding years to your life.

Not Too Shabby

I guess adding a little (and I do mean a little) exercise and cutting out mucho Matcha made a difference....down another 5.5 with a total loss off 7.5. not too shabby! Last week I caculated how much I could lose if I lost 2 per week and if I lost this much every 2 weeks,that would of course be 15 per month,it would take about 8 months to reach goal. As long as I keep losing,that is the main goal.It's hard not to get ahead of myself though.Looking at the long run of it,after struggling 18 years,what's another year?

So I guess under all the stress,the plan is still working.No decisions yet about big life changes,still praying with everyone in our family who all seem to differ in opinion every hour about what we should do.I am sure the people in Haiti would love the dilemmas we have. My family is blessed and our challenges pale in comparison to the issues they are facing.I am aware how selfish blogging can sound when it is all about me and the challenges I face,there is a whole world out there hurting with real big problems,it is important to look in the mirror and remind yourself of that sometimes.

Change Is Good....Not Always Easy

Alright, I am just going to put it all out there in the blogsphere.The past year had been interesting,life changing,stressful and a whole other list of adjectives. Military life has it's share of ups and downs.The latest was an opportunity for my husband to serve in a really cool way, I would tell you [but then I would have to kill you.]It meant uprooting teenagers,one was a senior,selling a house,finding a new litany of doctors for our family,it meant being apart for six months,putting up with hormonal girls,letting my oldest venture out on his own and stay behind was on the roster too,along with being several hours from our own parents.Is it any wonder our family feels a little tender at this point?

Now it looks as if we are up for more changes and decisions,as we have 6 months left on our lease and we must decide whether to renew,buy a home in a very costly area (rent alone will cost us over $20,000 this year)or move where we intend to retire and purchase a home there for half the cost. Sounds like a no brainer but keep in mind it would mean moving at least one teenager (again) while the other plans to attend college here,along with living apart from my husband (again) as he finishes his job. Did I mention my 14 year old has a sweet boyfriend who could give Zac Efron a run for his money in the looks department and that he really helped her get through some of the effects of being a newbie? Top all this off with my new quest for health and well being and I am prone to cry if you say hello to me!

This is me.This is where I am. I guess this blog has helped with an epiphany in my life. I want to write for real,somehow make a possible living at it. It may mean some college courses,it may mean a whole college curriculum. I get such joy out of it and I have so many ideas,I just don't know quite where to go with them.I pulled out a bunch of my writers magazines and bought some new ones ,they tend to have interesting ideas.I have been like one of those puzzle shapes children have,where you put the matching shape in the correct hole, I don't think I have been getting it right.I am a dreamer,always have been,dreaming saw me through some really tough times as a kid but with dreams,you must do to accomplish anything,otherwise you will wake up and it will be over.Somewhere along the line I convinced myself I didn't have the intelligence or the resources or time.Finding pieces of myself is a big part I believe, in this journey of weight loss....

Mucho Matcha

What a week this has been,my youngest has just recovered from a stomach virus which made its rounds to my oldest.I am writing this in the evening and it seems by then any witty thing that crossed my mind was only passing through for a visit,so this will be short,like me.

I found out something so terrible,so vile,that my hands don't dare type it...but I must.My favorite green tea has hidden sugar!Yes hidden sugar! They put a green tea powder in called Matcha and I have found I have an affinity for Matcha.I was told by one of the baristas there was no sugar in my drink but Starbucks,being the great company it is, put out a new nutritional flyer with all the info you could possibly need to see every hidden calorie you may not know you are consuming,so last week when I was ordering the biggest tea I could, thinking there was no sugar I was actually consuming about 25 grams per cup!Goodbye Matcha,you have been a friend of mine.So if something taste too good to be sugar free,it probably is!

I blather on about my Matcha to say this,we must be honest in our pursuits,if it is an eating plan ,we may have to be a little aggressive in finding out the truth or feel a bit embarassed asking questions but it is worth it to know,no one is going to just randomly tell you.

I climbed on my elliptical 2 days ago for some exercise and it fell apart!No,I wasn't over the weight limit,it just needs a special tool to tighten it up but there were a few fat jokes swimming in my head.Sooo I headed to the Wii and boy,was that fun, I played tennis and liked it so much I played again last night.They say [yes,its the infamous"They"again]exercise should be fun sometimes,to the point you don't even realize that is what you are doing and Wii definitely did that for me.

Did I say I was keeping this short? Uh oh my tummy is rumbling...

The Cosmic Bus

Do you ever feel like there is some Cosmic Bus that you are missing and no one ever gave you the schedule? Sometimes you might be lucky enough to randomly catch it and other times it's already reached it's destinantion. Like there is 100 meaningful things you think you could accomplish and do well in your lifetime but you're just not sure when the Cosmic Bus is coming and if you will be dressed and ready? Well not this time... I am prepared for good things in 2010 and regaining my health will lead to other bustops and better locations.I want to write more,learn to play the piano and guitar,take an art appreciation class and audition for local theatre.That's not asking too much is it? Oh,and in between that,within the next year I need to find a job to bring in some extra income.Not to long ago I felt that I had lost vision for my life and that 42 was to old to regroup.Where does that come from? I think some of that thinking comes from pop culture,we see beautiful young faces accomplishing big things and pulling in big money,it also contributes to our youth feeling lost and depressed when they get out of high school,just because they are not exactly sure what they want to do with their lives. It's a small world after all.So I did something I have been doing ever since I was little girl.....I prayed. God,give me vision to fulfill my purpose in life. Looks like I need to start praying for resources and extra time too! I guess it's pretty easy to see what's on my mind.I know I am supposed to say I want to be more altruistic but I guess I had better pray about that too,I have learned that when you give of yourself it comes back to you more than you can imagine,it does mean stepping outside of your comfort zone.Just admitting I want something for myself makes me feel very guilty,that can't be right.

Well just when I thought it was safe to go back to the blogger, my youngest was up all night with a stomach virus.We are home together today and I was up with her some,so yes I am a bit tired.It made me stock up at Target though ,new toothbrushes,lysol,cleaning wipes,vitamins and while I was there, I just couldn't resist the latest exercise gadget.It is called the Shake Weight.This hand weight is supposed to help you tone arms and shoulders better. I admit,if it wasn't the last one on the shelf, I probably would have waited to spend the 20 bucks but it is pretty fun, I will keep you posted as to how well it works.I did exercise last night with 10 lb hand weights and I have been sore today but it is good sore. Sticking to the plan has been pretty easy. If you are not supposed to have bread or sugar,that tends to leave a lot out of the equation.It doesn't matter if it is low calorie or not,you can't have that muffin or potato chip,etc.There is absolutely no reason to be in the candy aisle unless you are looking at sugar free candy,that by the way,you must eat in very small amounts or you will be spending some significant time in your bathroom.

My dogs must have figured they would help me out because for some reason thay are insisiting I get up and take them out in the freezing cold more often, maybe they are secretly ganging up on me due to the fact I put them on an eating plan as well. No more table scraps unless it is lean meat or fruit and veggies, believe me,they like their fatty food too. They say,[whoever THEY are] that chubby dog owners have chubby dogs,take one look at my four legged buddies and you might not find that difficult to believe.My Terrier,Chihuahua mix looks like a large football standing on four toothpicks!Animals have always been such an important part of my life,they give something we all struggle with.... unconditional love. If I were to start in about my dogs,that would be an entirely diferent blog altogether!Yes I am one of "those" pet owners.

Well I'm off to catch a bus. Care to join me?

Later Continued...

So here it is a week in and I have lost 2 lbs. If you are looking for Biggest Loser type stats, you probably won't find them here any time soon but I am ok with this and the reason is, I have been on a million diets in my lifetime with all kinds of results, some big and some small but 2 lbs is reasonable. It means in the last week even while not feeling up to par with a cold and almost no exercise, I still managed to cut out about 7,000 calories.If I were to lose only this every week for the next year, I would lose 96 lbs and that my friends, would be a victory! I also expect as I lose more, I will move more and that will burn some calories as well.When we watch some of these shows on tv or read certain things, I think we can get unrealistic expectations, some of these people have never dieted in their life and have huge amounts to lose, their bodies respond extremely fast to a totally new way of eating and moving.Most Doctors will tell you that 1-3 lbs a week is what you are looking for if you intend to keep it off. We are a microwave nation,we want it yesterday and when we don't get it ,we move on to the next fad or give up because we didn't get it the way we wanted.

I think I am beginning to get my groove back. I am more aware of what I consume during the day as far as trying to get more fruit and veggies in.I plan to do some squats and light weights this evening and learned some new exercises I can do with no equipment or a gym that will strengthen my legs.

I am so excited to have over 100 hits! Thank you for your time and concern...it's only going to get better from here[she says with a twinge of anxiety.]

Later

Lost 2 lbs and broke 100 reader mark! I will take it and as usual I have an opinion, but life is calling, so check with me later today....

Can we talk?

It's Sunday and I feel a little funky.I think my body just realized it does not have any of the white stuff..sugar. It definitely has cut down my calories,you don't realize how many things have sugar in them until you can't have them.

I am feeling some anxiety about stepping on that scale tomorrow because I am not really feeling like I lost anything and the pressure feels a little bit intense knowing I have made myself more accountable than usual.It's not just about the weight though,it's about health...I repeat in my head over and over.

So in the spirit of focusing on other things,I thought I would give some examples of another thought frequently on my mind, since I will be turning 42 in less than a month...age.

You know you are getting older when:

1.You actually pay attention to commercials about anti aging face creams and fiber.

2.You talk about retirement more than vacations.

3.You know the next time you will have young children in your house will be in the future... when you have grandchildren.

4.Conversations with others your age revolve around who's the best Internist in town and the latest food that lowers cholesterol or blood pressure.

5.A late night out means you make it until 10:PM.

6.When you talk about movies,actors or music,your children or their friends have no idea what you are talking about and the only show you have in common is the news and Saturday Night Live.

7.You no longer diet to get into a bikini but to prevent a heart attack!

Ok, now I feel better?

A Few Of My Favorite Things

I'm baaack!Still not on the chipper side with this cold.Following my eating plan and learning lessons.Things like.... stop when it is lunchtime and eat no matter what you are trying to get done, because if you are like me,you will continue to postpone until you feel light headed, starving and eat all your lunch and snacks at once,then you won't feel so great afterwards.Things like.... watch which kind of artifical sweetners you consume and how much or your tummy might revolt!

I would love to tell you I have vigorously been working out walking,elliptical ,weights but alas, I hate to lie.If sleeping were a sport, I would have gold medaled this week.Stupid cold.There are some small things I have been doing. Getting up and down to get my own things instead of asking my daughters to fetch,taking the stairs not the elevator,that kind of thing. Baby steps are better than no steps at all.

I have found some yummy things that I enjoy eating,Jello has an excellent sugar free chocolate mousse,Light and Fit has a low carb strawberry banana yogurt and Pepperidge Farm has a low carb wheat bread and here's the best one....Starbucks can make my favorite green tea soy latte, sugar free! Stick around me long enough and you will find out I have a serious Starbucks habit and where we live there is one on every corner.It has been good financially and diet wise to cut back.

Have I been hungry? Yes I have. I have expierienced some small victories,I am no longer eating late at night, although I did eat breakfast very early this morning [5:15]I passed up my very favorite candy bar at Target,it is very hard to find and they run out of it often,whenever I would want a treat, I would hunt these bad boys down.... Harry and David's Moose Munch Chocolate. Passed it by,full of sugar.I will just relish the thought of calories gone by.

Time for a healthy snack, a handful of usalted peanuts with premium raisins,these are a few of my favorite things!

It's All Good

As exciting as it has been for me to share this blog,I have to remember that although it feels like I am bearing a lot of my soul and revealing much about myself,it's not going to seem that important to others who don't understand what blogging can do for a person.It's something that can't be explained, it has to be read, some people just don't enjoy reading and others don't have time.

Honestly , I am hoping that down the road I could do well as a writer and I know this is a doorway that could help with my skills. I feel like I am at this place in my life where I need to find a clearer path, reclaiming my health is a big part of this.I know that when people hit their forties they are looking for more meaning and questioning choices they made earlier in life for career paths.One thing I am truly blessed with is a kind husband and healthy children that love me and I realize not everyone has that support ,granted I am the live out loud, tell me how you really feel chick, while my family looks on in amusement!

It has been a real emotional week for personal reasons involving others who would probably choose not to be written about. I will say that everday so far this week, I feel like I have taken an emotional punch to the gut from some important people in my life, but hey, if you watch the boxers work out that's how they get stronger, to quote Wheezer from Steel Magnolias, "That which don't kill us makes us stronger." So if my year continues like this, look out Chuck Norris! To top this week off, I have a cold,it is really hard for me to rest without feeling guilty but seriously are unfolded clothes going to cause a hole in the ozone layer? Putting ourselves first tends to be a problem in a lot of overweight people and I don't mean in a selfish way, I just mean in taking care of ourselves so we can be around longer. I am a Christian, so I believe God gave His son Jesus the ultimate sacrifice so that we could live .Our lives matter.

I am doing well with my eating plan,the Doc told me I don't have to count calories but when you eat this way it seems to stay on the low end anyway. I am aware I have not shared a starting point or main goal but I am just not ready . Most people know that you have to be a least a hundred pounds overweight to have Gastric Bypass and that my doctor brought it up to me, so it's pretty much a given I need to lose a least one hundred pounds.I will be weighing in on Mondays,so I will be posting my results then ,good or bad.

Taking a break for a couple of days to recoup and regroup.What do you know I'm a poet too!

I'm Not Hungry, I'm not Hungry!

I am up past my designated bedtime but I am feeling inspired after watching The Biggest Loser and now I am watching Half Ton Teen on Discovery Health and wanting to yell at this Mom who enabled her son to get this large! Hopefully she will knuckle down and be tough. It's hard to give tough love and it's hard to receive it too. Who am I to judge? My weight has spiraled for the past 18 years.This kid is twenty and I am sure this was not her intentions.

I did walk my dogs tonight after cooking a healthy dinner,salad and fruit for lunch ,oatmeal and tea for breakfast, peanuts with raisins and sugar free pudding for snacks. Honestly, I do feel A little hungry but I will survive.I also have to watch my fat intake due to cholesterol, along with my carbs and no sugar.After watching The Biggest Loser and how hard they are pushed to exercise it made me feel I could do more,but I have to remind myself their situation is different with trainers and doctors and I am actually feeling well as of late and pushing too hard in the beginning isn't the best idea. I have been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia and while losing weight will definitely help these conditions there is a fine line I have to follow to push some, but not too much. I have to be careful to not use this as an excuse as well.

Shopping was a bit of a challenge... low fat,low carb and sugar free, but there is plenty available, it mainly consists of lean meat, veggies and fruit. My grocery cart was much lighter although my bill wasn't,healthy eating isn't always the cheapest but I know it is worth it.

I had an appointment with my GYN and when she and her assistant found out about my resolution and this blog, they were super supportive and I think I may have a new reader or two!

Going to bed now, I'm not hungry, I'm not hungry......

I Love A Parade .....Written Jan 4th PM

Today was the big day to a fresh start.I have to confess I had a hard time sleeping last night and due to that, it's been a sleepy day with a headache for me. I did manage taking my children back to school from their Holiday break,their friend to the airport and I made it to my Doctors appointment.What he suggested I follow is actually pretty simple,lean protein,plenty of fruits and veggies, some nuts,some healthy cereal or oatmeal,very little breads,potatoes and pasta....here is the big one,absolutely no sugar.Goodbye sweet tooth you are no longer a friend of mine,you shall be satisfied with fruit and nuts and tea with Purevia or Splenda. I prefer the Purevia because it is made from the Stevia plant.
Exercise is on my list for tomorrow.

My husband has been traveling with his job for the past week and communication has been sparse but he arrived back home today. He has traveled so much through the years ,when he gets home we don't make a big deal of it.He tells me of all the exotic ,interesting places he goes to and I tell him about whatever broke and needs repair.He hands me coffee or tea or some goodie while I hand him the budget I did not follow as I imagine him poolside with roomservice and I am stewing in reality up to my eyeballs! Anyway my point is, he probably would like a better homecoming from time to time just I could have used a little parade or some confetti as I rose out of my bed to a new improved me or a little applause please as I ate my salad at lunch.Oh well at least now I am a Party Hog not the Pigout Queen! I am sure my scale will be applauding at the end of the week... at least I hope.I am off to the store to buy lowfat, low carb,, no sugar foods! No applause please!

Healthy Girl Walking....

January 3rd and I feel like I am headed down a narrow corrider
towards a new life.I will probably wake tomorrow feeling the same
but with an awareness things must be different. Three more "last"
meals of whatever to clean living!

This is not the first attempt to lose weight ,not even close,yet I am fully aware that this HAS to be the last ,it has to take. I don't want gastric bypass and don't want to be limited anymore.Life is short,not an original statement but true.

I had talked about Kryptonite before and came to a realization
as a military wife of 21 years moving around every 3 to 5 years and
being left to tend to things on my own for short or sometimes very long periods of time definitely contributed.Eating your lonliness or anxiety can be easy to do or planning healthy meals can go out the window with car breakdowns,bills to pay or unruly children,sometimes Mc Donalds becomes a bandaid or Hersheys becomes your faithful friend.That is no ones fault but my own.There are other ways to deal with things,jut like an alcoholic must learn to rely on God, not the bottle, food is not the answer.

On another note,thanks for the support I am already getting from readers;
If you have tried to make a comment or become a follower and had trouble, could you let me know so I can report it to Blogger? Apparently this is an issue as of late with other bloggers as well.Just facebook me and readers whom I don't know yet, please try again in a couple of days. I have changed my template hoping this will help.See you on the other side of the corridor!

Late Night Kryptonite

It's here...2010, cue the ominous music. The clock is ticking to a new resolve, two days until lift off. My daughter's friend has been visiting this week and the food she can put away has astounded even us. I am already on my last leg of "eat what you want" and she is not helping,or maybe she is. This kids favorite food group is french fries and she loves to bake. Now when you are 17,it's not as harmful as when you are 41 but I did make her go through what she consumes in a day and showed her how much fat and calories she was going over for a teen girls daily recommendations. I encouraged her to get her blood pressure and cholesterol checked when she got home.In sweet tea alone the calorie count was 800 calories!

Just as I was patting my self righteousness back, I was made aware of my Kryptonite....cue the music again, as if a big mystery is solved, dunh, dunh, duunh...... middle of the night eating! If it's not during the day ,the calories and fat don't count right? Wrong! I found myself up in the night, finishing off a lot of carmel corn, about 3 full servings at three in the morning.It occured to me how many late night snacks I have eaten since I don't always sleep so well. Cereal in the middle of the night,cookies, pudding,ice cream. Part of the reason I eat in the middle of the night is the same reason I stay up late. I can watch what I want,eat what I want and relax ,no one is around and I don't have to worry about other responsibilities,cleaning,kids,husband, etc. This is allowed no more.

My sleep apnea test actually came back fine ,my blood tests, not so good.High cholesterol and pre diabetes "better come in and see me" was the docs note at the bottom. Shocker? Not really ,all those conditions the docs and magazines warn you about I have been able to avoid until recently ,now they seem to be hitting hard.If you have read my previous blogs, you know that my new plan starts the 4th of January and that is the day I go see the doc,so hopefully he will give me the eating plan we had discussed and I can follow that, otherwise I will be forced to sift through all the plans I know and choose one.Why Monday in particular? The kids go back to school,all my guests are gone ,parties are over and it is not on the 1st like every other New Years resolution!

Something I have tried to do the past couple of nights is get 7 hours of sleep and I have felt a bit better. Sleep hygene is important on my list this year . Less TV,more sleep,less food,more sleep,more sleep,more energy.

I am unsure about revealing what I have been enjoying but I am pretty sure I won't be seeing these foods for sometime, if ever, so if you are watching what you eat diligently,you may want to skip over this....


Bacon cheeseburgers,fries,chinese,Starbucks,chocolate,Kryptonite, I mean carmel corn! Chicken pot pie,fudge covered oreos and red wine. It looks like I tried to make sure there was nothing of reasonable health benefits in my buffet!

Some more forms of Kryptonite are slowly surfacing as I start to dig deep but I will reveal those another time.Happy New year!